Another One Bites the Dust

I feel like the theme song for my dating life needs to be Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust".  At least that's the song that my uncle was jokingly singing when my aunt told him that I'd ended things with J.  I can go along with that song, after all, it certainly is fitting.  And I'm always of the mindset that it's better to laugh about it all and try to find the positive, rather than sit and dwell in the negative.

The reality is, there always is something to be gained from any situation.  I had some great experiences in the short time that J and I spent together.  He was nothing but a gentleman and treated me accordingly.  There are qualities that he does possess that I would look for in a partner.  He was extremely polite and well mannered, he was always very respectful of me, he loved to cook and do the dishes, and he was incredibly understanding.

In the end, I realized, that was were just incredibly different.  He is from the city and has moved around a great deal because of his career.  I am just a country girl at heart.  I can get dressed up, go wine tasting, go out to a nice dinner, and have a great time. But when I look at my true soul, it lies in the country.  My dream would be to someday build a beautiful house in the middle of nowhere.  Somewhere I could raise my children, have some horses, and maybe a few dogs, and live out the rest of my days.  That would make me infinitely happier than living in a large metropolis somewhere. 

While I wasn't opposed to the idea of moving, it also was less than appealing to think of leaving behind all of my friends, my family, my home, and my career.  Not to mention P's entire little world.  And, as much as I hated to admit it, it would not be fair to take P away from his father.  Or, at least not too far away from him.  It would be different to think of moving somewhere which was easily within driving distance.  However, J had said on several occasions that he could end up anywhere, which meant that we could have ended up relocating all the way across the country.  The thought of that was definitely more than a little unsettling.

Our differences were more than just a country mouse, city mouse mentality, however.  I love to laugh.  A lot.  Sometimes I think that stupid things are funny.  Sometimes I probably act like a complete goofball.  J was incredibly reserved.  Really, really reserved, to the point where I actually felt self conscious at how opposite of him I actually was.  We watched The Hangover one night and I was cracking up the whole time.  He, on the other hand, sat in stony silence, rarely uttering more than a chuckle.  It was just another stark reminder of how dissimilar we actually were.

The main thing that I learned from this situation, is that if something, anything does not feel right after only a short time of dating, there is really no point in trying to make things work.  The entire point of dating is to find out if you are compatible with someone, and often that isn't made clear for several months or even longer, in some cases.  And, as strange as it might seem, I actually have more faith now, than ever, that eventually the right person will come along.  It would have been easy to get discouraged after ending things with him and chalk it up to another disappointment.  However, I look at it a little differently.  I think that even though J wasn't exactly right for me, I'm also getting closer to finding what I want.  I also discovered, once again, how strong I am.  I realized that I don't have to have a glaring red flag or have someone mistreat me in some way to realize that sometimes a situation simply is not right.  I am proud of myself for realizing this sooner rather than later and for being strong enough to walk away from a situation simply because I knew in my heart that something was missing.  I'm learning to trust my gut instincts, without question, and not apologize for how I'm feeling.  I also realized that a specific reason or justication for my actions, beyond "something just does not feel right" is no longer needed.  The only people that I have to be accountable to in the end is myself and P.